Marriage – The Definition Matters

3 04 2012

I am grateful to John Milbank for this article. Marriage matters in the building of human society, and with fast impressionism dominating our media, we need to think more carefully.

The following article is most helpful and really deserves our attention:

A few tips for young guys

11 07 2011

Young guys: become a good catch!

Many young women would love to get married.  Many young women today are ‘a good catch’, already.

However, so many young guys their own age are ‘just not up to speed’.  I mean, ‘what are you young guys doing?’ I am convinced that many young guys just do not know how to be a suitable ‘catch’.  Now, I am not a ‘ladies man’, nor a ‘Casanova’. And I never had my act together—far from it.  But I am acutely aware that young guys in our society really do need to learn how to become a suitable catch. Some of my tips may seem obvious, and very basic. However, many young guys just seem to be totally ignorant of them. So here goes—a few tips for young guys:

1. Think. Think about this matter. Start thinking about how you might improve your treatment of all young woman.

2. Treat all young women really well—treat all as you would both a dynamic princess, and a good friend, and a fun sister. Honor them. Regard them highly. Cherish their presence. Happily honour their integrity (Most, will notice this quality shining forth in you). Chivalry is a bit out of fashion in some parts. (So don’t be wrongly condescending, as if you are superior. You are not). But it can still have a place.

3. Talk. Learn to talk to young women, by talking to them as often as you can (without being overly invasive or pushy). Overcome some natural shyness, just by trying a few simple words—often. ‘Hello……  (‘say their name’). Ask how they are? Tell them something interesting, you saw or heard. Not all just about yourself—especially, if you have a big ego, and think you are good.  If you are a bit timid, reveal something about yourself. Share your hopes. Believe in the future. Be sensitive to their comments in conversation! Be responsive too. It is a conversation. Converse!

4. Notice. Take a moment, to notice the small and the overall details of a young woman’s appearance (don’t stare!  haha). Notice accessories and colours – jewellery, shoes, colours, ribbons, fabrics, hair cuts. Pay compliments! (Often, a lot of effort has gone into the selection of these things—why?—so that you notice!)

5. Comment. You can say: ‘You look great!’ (Some young women hope they do, but are not 100% sure. Some don’t realise how lovely they really are. Even the most beautiful women, possibly do not get so many nice comments as you think). Or ‘I like your….’  These are not pick up lines. Just comments, open hearted.  The pick-up lines, haha. Do what you like with them!

6. Discover. Discover the grand dignity of true masculinity—your own, yes, but in the light of the master of masculinity himself: yes, knowing Jesus Christ, by faith, is important here. He has all the qualities of true humanity—kindness, sympathy, understanding, acceptance, genuine strength and toughness (dying on that cross was not a simple, easy matter), a non-violent masculinity, an outward looking focus towards the needs of others, joyfulness, service, cheerfulness, seriousness and a self-giving life! Learn what

7. Include. Learn to include young women in your conversations. Help them to know that they matter to you, and that you like and value their presence in life. Some few, can be a bit shy (but definitely not all!). Include, include, include.

8. Presentability. Clean your teeth. Smell nice—not stinky. Be clean, not grotty. Shave. Wear some real nice stuff, occasionally—as you can afford it. Stand tall. Be clear eyed. Get enough sleep. Have some money in your pocket. Keep your own room clean. Clean up the crap. Start some good habits right there, now. Clean the dust. Keep the floor clean. Lose some weight, if you need to.  Put on some muscle if you need to. Give attention to your skin and diet if you need to do so—as best as possible.

9. Outward. Be outward. Be outgoing. Help. Assist. Move. Dig in. Get over yourself. Don’t just be self-obsessed, always wondering how you are coming across, and if you are looking impressive in the mirror. It is much more than that. Be active. Actively, enjoy the company of the young women. Open doors for women—even the feisty feminists who can do it themselves—it may ev en be a laugh.  If not, think twice on that one— or thrice, she could be a total gem. Be sociable. Turn up. Go to stuff. Be available.

10. Generosity. Learn to give generously, whether it is help, or inclusiveness in conversations, or in preparing some food, or buying drinks, or giving a gift. Give good gifts. When you are going out, do the flowers thing, and the small gifts and the little things. Just a bit here, and there—care enough to bother.

11. Food. Life involves food and drink. Good food and good drink is always attractive. Learn to cook, and make basic stuff—and interesting stuff. It is not that hard. Be confident with a BBQ and with  stove-top. Learn to make a nice drink. A smoothie. Coffee. Tea. Teas. Mixing nice alcoholic drinks.  Go shopping and learn about products on the shelf. Learn about specialty shops. Fruits. Vegetables—lots of interesting ones. Enjoy good foods and drink. Learn how to cook fish, catch fish, flavour fish. Be a good ‘catch’ (haha).

12. Body language.  Laugh. Stand well.  Be attentive with your eyes (to their eyes! And their overall person). Stand near to girls, not distantly. Learn to do so. Let them appreciate and enjoy your masculine, physical presence. Even if you a scrawny, or a bit large. Be physically approachable, thoughtful, a bit buff, and a bit hug-able—when appropriate. Not always easy to work out, but practise. We are our bodies—a hand on a shoulder is still ok—not out of place.  Many young women will be game enough to touch your body, if they feel confident enough to do so. (And you are not some odd-dude, who is seriously unable to control your thoughts, and actions). So, let women touch you without them feeling uncomfortable, or embarrassed. Let it be natural. Let them hit you for stupid jokes. Human bodies are not just about sexual parts, and for sexual interaction. Good heavens! (And you may have to stop thinking about sex allllll the time if it is a bit obsessive, guys!).

13. Practical Man: Learn to be a bit practical at doing stuff, fixing stuff, or finding out who can fix stuff, and obtain stuff. Get your driver’s license. Look after a vehicle. Or motorcycle. Boat. Ski’s. Surf board. Help fix girls cars if you know how. Offer some advice, if they need some help. Some know heaps about cars, and gear. Some do not.

14.  Word oriented. God’s Word forwards life. His Word moves life in a noble direction. Be a person of the Word—knowing the incarnate Word, the written Word (Bible), the Implanted Word and receiving the Preached Word—the truth of Christ. Be able to be still, thoughtful and changing in your ideas. Don’t get stuck and fixed and rigid in opinions like a grumpy old man. But have an opinion. Think about life. Think—don’t be careless and manipulated by the media for all your opinions.

15. Action: Do a few dynamic things. Sport is good. So are plenty of other things. Some sport. Any type. Just some. So is activity, of all sorts shapes and sizes. Be active—it makes you appeal as a good catch.

16. Encourage: recognise and identify the gifts and talents, and hopes and dreams of women you meet. Be encouraging of them in their life, activity, family life.  It is so important to see the qualities of others and to urge them to be a significant contributor in life. Many will already be that. Some may not. True love discerns the needs of another and seeks to supply those needs.

17. Family: honour family life and families of all sorts. Honour your own parents. Highly important. Even if they have made a mess of some things. Family matters: It is good to recognise this strength in society and its importance all over the world. Welcome people, guys and girls into your own family relationships. That is where much of your identity has been formed—like it or not. Help the young women you meet to enjoy their own family—wherever possible. Many have wrecked families, and would love to be connected to stronger ones. Show an interest in children and young people. After all,. that is where things may head if you are a good catch. Family is so joyful, when it is good, and it can be so sad when it is not.

18. Culture: Be culturally alert. It is a global village now. Learn a bit. Understand some other diverse cultures. It makes you more objective, of our own cultures. It makes you more interesting, more adaptable. It inriches what you have to give to another person—to be a good catch.

19. Finance. Have some savings, if you can. Care for having a bit of money to do things. It will give her some confidence in things working out ok—in you being a good catch.

20. Mates.  Have some. Have plenty. Enjoy them. Learn from them. Accept them. But be objective about them too. And take a critical view of them if you need to. But be your own person, independent of mates. The group thing can stifle individual growth and maturity. I think this post is about maturity, in the details of life, actually.

21. Mystery: recognise that there is a lovely mystery in femininity that you and I will never, ever understand, comprehend or ‘get’. It is a marvel, a trouble, a problem and a delight—mostly. We will never be feminine, and so we shall never fully understand. It is a mystery to be lived in and appreciated, not puzzled out and solved. So receive the mystery of the Risen Christ in your life, and the mystery of womanhood, and let it be all that it is. Forgive, adapt, respond, marvel, laugh and wonder, and accept. It is a mystery!

22. Reflect: Take a good, long, hard look at yourself in terms of what a woman may think of you. It is not just about looks. If you are not great looking, let your personality and willingness to be a loving, dynamic person, be the attractive part. If you are great looking, then make sure there is more to you than that! Ha, in the whole scheme of things, when the light is off, it is not just looks that counts! Be thoughtful about what makes a good woman, and overlook, or embrace any lack some things if there is plenty of potential, otherwise. After all, she will be doing that about less-than-perfect, you!

Comment: Some of this looks a bit cheesy, I admit. Ok, a lot cheesy, I guess. But I hope you can see where I am going. Forgive me for serious omissions. Or let me know, and we will update the list, even to 100 things. C’mon guys, young guys, lift your game a bit. It will bless and benefit a lot of people.  (Ha, it could be a controversial post, I also agree. Being a bit of a traditionalist, myself, i guess). Even so, my aim is to say. ”c’mon young guys, c’mon”! Crikes! 

The gist of this, just had to be said!

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